Christmas came early this year
Time Warner has been threatening to rearrange the channel lineup and get rid of some of my favorite channels. I have been dreading that day ever since I first got that announcement in the mail. I pay very little money for only a few basic channels and I've been quite happy with that. I didn't want anything to change.

Well, the day of change finally came. It was today.

I get home from work. I turn on my T.V. It took a little while, but I finally noticed that I was looking at the Food Network.

I've never had that channel before. Hmmmm....

I finally realized what was going on, that the channel day change was finally here. And then I thought that maybe if I have ONE new channel that I didn't have before, maybe I have A LOT of new channels that I didn't get before.

I did that "automatic channel tune" thing on my T.V., and sure enough, now I kinda get ALL of the channels. Food Network, MTV, HGTV, CSPAN...

Well nevermind about CSPAN.

So this is what happened next:

1. I flipped through all of my new channels and found NOTHING to watch. This is why I didn't want to PAY for more channels. There's nothing on my few basic channels. I know there is nothing on the other 100 channels I now get, even when they are free. I ended up watching One Tree Hill on the CW.

2. I realized I was watching One Tree Hill and I was sad and ashamed. So I decided to flip through all of my channels again. Not because I thought I would find anything new, but just because I can.

3. I got lost. I don't know where any of the old channels are, and all of the new ones make a bigger universe for me to get lost in.

Then I did two things that I will probably do often from now on:

1. I found a scary movie. It's one of those bad scary movies that is completely stupid, but when you watch it alone in the dark at home at night (which is against the rules at my house, but what do I do the second I accidentally get fancy cable? I go and break the rules), it scares the crap out of you. It is "Wrong Turn" and it is so dumb, but it could possibly happen in real life, so I am RIGHT NOW scared to get off of my couch. (Think Leatherface but with less chainsaws and more barbed wire. Three people just got eaten by the hill people in like, 5 minutes.)

2. On the commercials I was brave enough to change the channel, and I immediately turned into my Grandma and became engrossed in some pet rescue show on Animal Planet. I couldn't stop watching. It had PUPPIES, y'all!

This is what will happen next:

1. Just when I get used to my accidental fancy cable, Time Warner will figure out their mistake and it will all disappear, without warning, and I won't know what to do without Animal Planet.

2. My next bill will show a charge for this automatic upgrade to fancy cable, even though I didn't ask for it or authorize it. I estimate this cost to be at least $108.

3. I will have to call customer service and get in a fight with Time Warner over the whole mess, cancel my cable, and switch to Dish Network.

But for now, there are PUPPIES, y'all!!

C.T.

PS: I'm hoping that tomorrow when I get home from work, a free accidental DVR appears in my living room.