When apples attack
Sometimes I'm an idiot.

Things happen to me because I am an idiot. Today I had one of those idiot days when things happen that are completely bizarre and embarrassing, and I swear I am not going to tell anyone because I am too embarrassed. But about ten minutes later I can't help but tell everyone I know. And then I blog about it.

It all started with my bike ride this morning. I had scheduled 50 miles for today, so I went to the lake to ride the trail for my 50 miles. It all started fine and good. My plan was to do this much without stopping.

Before I began my first lap around the lake, I was cold. So I wore my extra shirt. Of course, during the first lap I got hot, as I knew I would. So I had to stop and take off my extra shirt. Stop #1.

Then my battery died in my mp3 player sometime during lap 3. So, I had to stop to replace the battery with the extra battery I stored in the bag underneath the seat on my bike. Stop #2.

Then, about 30 minutes later, I hit a bump and heard a loud clatter that sounded suspiciously like a cell phone hitting the ground. I quickly determined this was, in fact, MY cell phone hitting the ground because I had forgotten to zip the seat bag closed again after replacing the mp3 player battery, and the bag contained my cell phone. So, I had to stop, go back, and hunt for my cell phone in the bushes, then make sure it still worked. Thankfully it did. But it has an ugly dent on the side of it now. Why? Because I'm an idiot. Stop #3.

I finally finished my 50 miles, with no further stopping required. But sadly, my ride that was supposed to be stop-free actually included three stops.

Dang.

Then I met some friends for a picnic, also at the lake. All was fine and well. There was food, good friends, sunshine.

Then Friend A wanted to play catch with a ball. But, we had no ball. So we grabbed an apple that was approximately the size of a softball, and decided to play Apple. This consisted of throwing the apple back and forth. Much like one would throw a ball back and forth.

And then, I was an idiot again.

I am an excellent catcher. I can catch most anything. But today, I don't know what happened. One minute we were having a perfectly friendly, harmless game of Apple. The next, the apple flew threw my hands and directly into my nose.

MY NOSE!

IT HURT...

Now, I've never been hit in the face by fruit before. So I was both stunned, and in a lot of pain. Who knew apples were so hard???

At first, it was funny. Then, I realized how much it hurt. I've been sensitive about things hitting my nose (or as our friends in Clueless would say, my doctor doesn't like me partcipating in activities where balls fly at my nose) since I had nose surgery several years ago to correct a deviated septum. NOT a nose job. It was a life-saving surgery, thank you very much.

But clearly he should have been more specific about things flying at my nose. He should have included fruit. Beware of fruit to the nose, he should have said. I would have heeded this warning with the utmost of heeding. I would never have allowed the game of Apple to be invented, at least not without the proper protective headwear.

So, as I stood there today holding my nose (I don't know why we do this. Holding the thing that hurts never actually makes it feel better), and as tears began to form in my eyes, I had to face the fact that....

I had just been hit in the face by an apple.

An apple.

WHO GETS HIT IN THE FACE BY AN APPLE????

Me. Because I'm an idiot.

I think that hurt more than my nose did. I had been hit in the face by an apple. Ouch.

Friend A laughed at me a lot, even though she had thrown the apple. But she also offered several times to take me to the ER, while our doctor friend who picnicked with us continued to sit on the picnic blanket as though an apple had not just struck me in the face. Apparently doctors are not to be bothered by things such as apples to the nose on their days off.

Friend A does owe me a trip to the ER, since I took her and her mangled toe to the ER last summer. But I'm saving it for something good. I can't very well let her take me to the ER for something like an apple to the nose. That's just embarrassing.

But for the record, I never laughed once at her toe incident. Well, at least not where she could see me...

The apple had a dent in it that is the shape of the end of my nose.

And my nose still hurts.

Man, I'm an idiot.

Especially because once we determined that my nose wasn't broken and I didn't need to go to the ER, we resumed the game of Apple.

No further injuries to report.

C.T.