Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Farewell, Old Matresses

Tonight will be my last night of sleep on the mattresses I have had since . . . well, at least junior high. Maybe earlier than that.

I will not get into all of the details of what all these mattresses have been through. But the more I think about them, the more I am pretty sure they are biohazard status and should probably be disposed of through incineration. Or weighed down with rocks and sunk to the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean.

They've been good mattresses. At one time, they were really good, nice, firm mattresses that served me well.

But one day, you wake up and you realize that every morning starts with aches and pains and cricks because your tossed and turned all night and never got out of that one sunken spot in the middle of the bed where you were curled into an uncomfortable ball all night.

It hurts.

No more, my friends. No more.

For . . . tomorrow morning, bright and early, shiny brand new mattresses will arrive at my house. And the old ones will be carted away.

And then, I may never get out of bed again. The fantastic new mattresses that are on their way will be so amazing, so comfy, so sleep-worthy that I might just live there forever.

I am, however, a little frightened by what may or may not be living under my bed. It's been in that one spot for a little over five years now. I never look under there. It could be bad.

But, one last time, to honor the mattresses that have gotten me through many, many nights of sleep, and that have always been a safe sanctuary for me to crawl in and hunker down when the world is cruel, or (as was the case when I used to be afraid of those dang flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz) a place of safety . . . a haiku. For you.

Old Mattresses, go
To mattress heaven, be gone
Good night sleep is here

Farewell, old friends . . . and hello new friends!



meghant said...

Do you have to have the bed in your bedroom? If you put it in your living room you could eat dinner in it. Watch TV in it. Blog in it. Life would be bliss on your brand new mattresses.

The Cynical Tyrant said...

i could also Wii in it . . . wait, that doesn't sound right . . .